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Top 10 Sexiest Poker Players of 2009: 5 Thru 2

Written by:
Jenny Woo
Published on:
May/28/2009

I hope you all have been following my Top 10 Sexiest Poker Players of 2009.  Today we get closer to the number one spot.

At #4 Annie Duke

If 2008 was the year of the psycho killer child predator cheating professional poker player, 2009 is the year of the Whore Pit Viper Worse Than White Trash Hitler Bitch.  Enter Annie Duke. 

Annie Duke is an attractive woman on the outside but it was her cunningness on this season's Celebrity Apprentice that made this poker pro most appealing....and helped her to land on my list of Sexiest Poker players in 2009. 

Annie was soooooo Machiavellian in fact that Joan Rivers would eventually compare her to Adolf Hitler while Rivers daughter, Melissa, would call her a Whore Pit Viper.

It's one thing to be denounced as a "Whore Pit Viper"....it's quite another to be labeled as a "Whore Pit Viper Hitler".   This paints a very ugly picture of Annie Duke as some type of sadomasochistic sex goddess, worse than Aspasia. 

Rumor has it since the show Annie bark orders in German to her husband during sex after checking his hair for lice...and she wears one of those funny looking mustaches. 

Du irrst dich gewaltig: You're way off!

Eile mit Weile: More haste, less speed!

Das wird genügen - Enough!
Jetzt mucks dich aber ja nicht!: Now stay put!

Kommen Sie doch herein!: Do come in NOW!
Laß nicht locker!: Keep at it !
Wer A sagt, muß auch B sagen: You must finish what you start!
Schlag ein! Abgemacht!: Put it in there!

 

I don't believe these rumors but I can tell you a lot of our sicko readers just got aroused reading that one. 

Did You Know: 

Adolf Hitler was the father of the sex doll.  The dictator ordered mass production of inflatable sex dolls for S.S. soldiers.  These dolls would be blonde, blue-eyed with large lips and breasts.  They would bare an uncanny resemblance to Annie's Celebrity Apprentice partner-in-crime and fellow WPV, Brande Roderick I might add - just made with less plastic.  Hitler ordered a Danish doctor to create these blow up dolls as means to satisfy his soldiers who would otherwise visit brothels and potentially contract sexually transmitted diseases...or worse, have sex with non-Aryan women.

 

#2 Patrik Antonius

 

On a bad day, Patrik is a 15 on a scale of 1 to 10.  Oh my God Patrik! Your left cheekbone appears disproportionately robust to your right!  Apply more moisturizer!  I mean, he was even born with a hot name.  He has a reputation for being an all around nice guy so I don't think he'd b*** me, but if he did...

Every woman who desires Patrik I'm sure has had a sexual fantasy or two about him and THIS GIRL is no exception.  If you haven't ladies, you're all lying!

Let me share my own personal sexual fantasy about Patrik. 

After he's done winning a million dollars playing against fellow poker player Tom "Durrrr" Dwan, I get behind Patrik and slowly slide my hands down his chiseled chest, over his rock hard iron board abs.  I feel my fingers melting against his smooth hairless flesh.  I then slide my right hand down his pants and feel that leathery bulging mass .   I coo, "Oh, it's SO big Patrik!  I want it!  I want it so bad!  Give it to me!  Give it to me now!!!!!!!

To which he replies:  "Jenny...........That's my wallet you're grabbing."

Then I push that throbbing sack, and with my teeth, remove all 9 of his credit cards, including his black Amex, one by one and spit them out. Then I go to the mall and buy a few pairs of shoes and a Gucci wallet.  I lose his number.

 

#3 Vanessa Rousso

 

Vanessa Rousso is French without one of those obnoxious sounding names like Jean-Robert Bellande.  She's married to fellow poker pro Chad Brown, who I keep calling Chris.  Vanessa graduated Valavictorian of her class at Duke.  I don't even know how to spell the damn word.  I'll leave that up to my editors.  Vanessa is also a lawyer.  Smart, sexy, French and blonde...it's a rarity in today's society.  Oh and did I mention she's one of the hottest poker players around right now (not just in terms of looks). 

Vanessa is an Aquarius who was born during the year of the Black Water Pig.  WTF??  She managed to get in there between the Black Water Dog and Green Wood Rat. 

Here's what the stars say about Vanessa since she's having an incredible 2009 in the world of poker:

You often find yourself passionately wanting a particular thing or person one minute and perhaps something or someone entirely different the next. This is the reason your friends (and maybe others) label your desires as unpredictable. Your desire nature can be stimulated easily through your mind, thoughts, and ideas. You can be turned on quickly by others who are unique in some outstanding way, either physically or mentally. Generally, your attitudes toward sex are based on a rather broadminded concept of others and yourself. Since your more intimate relationships with others often can be described as rather impersonal and not deeply emotional, you find it somewhat difficult if not impossible to maintain an enduring emotional interest in any one person. Consequently, you are motivated to form friendships at all levels with a relatively large number of people. Since your more meaningful purposes in life are directed toward forwarding the concept of the brotherhood of man, you tend to include your friends as an integral part of or participants in most of the activities in your life. Some of your deeper desires could be described as "offbeat." You do employ your own brand of originality in love-making.

Who is My Sexiest Poker Player of 2009?  Find Out Here

Jenny Woo, Gambling911.com Senior International Correspondent

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