Sexiest Poker Players of 2010: Isildur1

Written by:
Jenny Woo
Published on:

Some of you may be scratching your heads asking how Yours Truly can rate a poker player among the sexiest of 2010 when he has yet to even reveal his face to the world. Isildur1 is a wildly popular online poker player whose true identity is not yet known. 

Consider the fact that most of the online poker community has been slobbering over this guy (girl?) for the better part of a year and that the World’s largest online poker room, PokerStars, just signed him on, treating Isildur1 as if he were the second coming of Christ, it becomes a little easier to understand why I might select him among my top 10.

Let’s face it, my “Sexiest Poker Players of the Year” is akin to Time’s “Person of the Year”.  In 2006, they made “YOU” the Time “Person of the Year”, so my selecting an invisible man among the hottest poker players in 2010 is hardly that far-fetched, all things consider. 

The men who are reading this might be taken a bit aback.  They do not necessarily understand that women are a lot more complex in nature.  Looking back in time, women did not have a choice in a mate. Women had to play the role of being attractive in order to be protected and provided for. Once women were given the ability and rights to refuse a man, men had to work harder at being desirable.  Isildur1 does not have to try hard.  He does not have to primp in the mirror.  His sexuality seeps from every pore of his impenetrable being. 

Ladies, there is something very titillating about watching David McCallum remove his bandages in the 70’s TV show.  Part of Isildur1’s sex appeal is that he leaves so much to the imagination.  This individual just oozes with sex appeal.  We don’t even know if Isildur1 is a man or woman, nor do we care.  Even his nationality, believed to be Swede, has me in a climatic frenzy.

I must admit I have a ferocious sexual appetite at times.  It was painful during a 6 month stretch to be without it after my move to Pensacola, Florida. 

To a certain extent, an invisible man, one of mystery, can fall into the realm of gothic erotica.  Over my six-month dry spell, I found great pleasure in reading Bram Stroker. 

Throughout my lifetime I’ve oft fantasized about having sexual encounters with the likes of Dracula, Frankenstein, Sam Cassell and Freddy Krueger (nails for fingers).  I think this is very normal for a woman, though many will not admit it.  Note that a very famous female poker player, Jennifer Tilly, has had sex with a slasher puppet named Chucky while portraying the Bride of Chucky on the big screen.  This was her biggest film to date.  Many a man (and woman) to this day still dreams of having a threesome with Jennifer Tilly and that maniacal puppet.

Gothic men in particular are depicted as tall, brooding and sexy. Bram Stroker reveals that Dracula is primarily a sexual threat, a missionary of desire whose only true kingdom will be the human flesh. 

In Christopher Bentley’s 'Sexual Symbolism in Dracula', he reveals:  'In common with almost all respectable Victorian novelists, Stoker avoids any overt treatment of the sexuality of his 'living' characters [who] are, both the men and the women, models of chastity. ... The sexual elements that presumably exist in their relationships are never revealed, much less discussed. However what is rejected or repressed on a conscious level appears in a covert and perverted form through the novel, the apparatus of the vampire superstition, described in almost obsess-anal detail in Dracula, providing the means for a symbolic presentation of human sexual relationships.'

The penetration of skin by sharp canine teeth easily evokes both violence and eroticism.  Being penetrated by something, someone you cannot see (Isildur1), also fulfilling that deep lustful craving.  

Dracula, much like the Invisible Man, is physically "other" as described by Stroker: the dark, unconscious, the sexuality that is denied in today’s Puritan society, also known as the Bible Belt (Pensacola, Florida).

Isildur1 has taken his persona from the pages of Lord of the Rings, which makes this mystery man all the more riveting, igniting my inner sexual being.

His name means "devoted to the moon".  The moon has female associations because of the accident that its period is close to that of the female menstrual cycle. 

Isildur from Lord of the Rings is described sometimes as "the heroic shadow who just slips it in".  Hopefully I won’t be having my period if, and when, that ever happens. 

Isildur1 ranks number 6 among my Sexiest Poker Players of 2010

- Jenny Woo, Senior International Correspondent