Gay Poker Players: Jenny Woo Sets The Record Straight

Written by:
Jenny Woo
Published on:
Gay Poker Players

With the 2010 World Series of Poker Main Event now underway, it's time to count down the top 10 gay poker players.

Not all are out of the closet.  But resident Cuban transgender reporter Sparky Collins is here to provide a few hints that could help us dig deeper into a poker player's true sexual preference.

10. Jennifer Tilly -  Sparky says:  "She's dating Phil Laak, nuff said."

Any woman who dates a man who calls himself "The Unabomber" and has sex with a murderous male doll most likely has some lesbian leanings. 

8. Allen Cunningham - Supposedly he is straight or claims to be.

Sparky says:  "Yeah, STRAIGHT to bed."

Another potential sign:  The guy has a dog named "Muffin".

6. Antonio Esfandiari - I don't know if he's gay or nay but those Romans were certainly way ahead of their time, no doubt about that.  

To be an ancient Roman male in good standing meant you initiated penetrating acts of sex. Whether you did this with a female or a male, slave or free, wife or prostitute, made little difference -- as long as you were not on the receiving end, so to speak. [See Catullus XVI.]

Caligula engaged in sex with almost anything that was able.

His son, Nero, was also a sexual deviant, though not quite as brutal, just more vain.

At one point, Nero was actually married to a young man he had earlier castrated.

When Julius Caesar was ambassador to Nicomedes IV of Bithynia, he was rumoured to have had a relationship with the king and played the passive role.

Moral of the story, while Esfandiari does have a hot girlfriend, so too did Caligula and Julius Caesar. 

7. Matt Damon - Jason Bourne has participated in WSOP events in the past.  Not sure if he will be this year.  Sure he's married to a beautiful woman here on the Beach but the rumors are out there.  Just sayin'.

Matt Damon can't wait to jump in bed with Michael Douglas and play the movie icon's gay lover in a new film about pianist Liberace...and we hear he's been practicing for the part hehehe.  But I won't kiss and tell unless it's Vin Diesel, okay?

4. Joran van der Sloot - The recently jailed confessed murderer of Peruvian college student Stephany Flores and a self-professed online poker junkie is being held in an isolated cell in one of the world's most notorious prisons complaining about rats crawling up through his toilet.  

Next we'll be hearing the rat crawled up his ***.

Those Peruvian prisoners are just waiting to ensure Joran becomes a "lock" on this list. 

3. Humberto Brenes - Sparky says:  "He wears more mascara than Tammy Faye."

2. Doyle Brunson - Rugged 77-year old Texan cow poke and "Godfather of Poker" is the last person one would suspect of being gay.  But after 18 colonoscopys in the last year, Brunson might very well be gay by default and he sort of professes to this.

"I got (another) colonoscopy and if I lived in Arkansas, the doc and I would be legally married," Doyle once quipped on his Twitter page.

Doyle probably would give the best b*** j** when his teeth are out.

1. Tom Durrrr Dwan - Everybody thinks he is gay but recently Dwan has been cited for having one of the hottest girlfriends in the poker community.  I, a bi, would not mind one way or another but Sparky says:  "The eyebrows, they say so much.  His (Dwan's) are so well trimmed, better than my bushes.  I think on some occasion he wears eye liner too."

The mystery behind Dwan's sexuality is more tightly contained than what's beneath Sparky Collins pants.

Well, maybe not.  Type in "Gay Poker Players" into Google and Tom Dwan's name is bound to come up more than any other single poker pro.  Dwan seems to take the speculation well. 

Let's face it, when it comes to Tom "Durrrr" Dwan, every gay boy is hopeful he will ditch the B**** and flip the switch. - 110 Percent in FREE CASH.  Amazing Bad Beat Jackpots Pay Over $100,000.  Mention Bonus Code GAMBLING911.

Jenny Woo, Senior International Correspondent