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Elizabeth Kuster sounds off about the Super Bowl's most offensive commercials.
Dear Super Bowl ad men:
Did I inadvertently do something to piss you off last year, or have you just been watching too much Mad Men -- and forgetting that it's set in the 1960s? I ask because so many of your TV spots -- ads which are supposed to be your best creative effort, and which are meant to reflect current cultural attitudes -- had a distinct women-are-only-good-for-one-thing-and-it-ain't-talking vibe, which totally bummed me out because I thought we were past that.
Sheesh.
GoDaddy.com, shame on you for your girl-on-girl porn theme. Did you somehow forget that millions of women would be watching the Super Bowl, too? And congratulations, Danica Patrick: By starring in GoDaddy's Girls-Gone-Wildish ads, you completely negated your girl power and subsequently lost all my respect. I'll never watch car racing again. (Not that I ever did. But I was going to.)
And really, Monster.com? A bimbo hooking up with an animatronic beaver? Insert another [lame] girl-on-girl joke here.
Dockers, do you really believe that men are feeling so emasculated nowadays that you must command them (in huge all-caps) to WEAR THE PANTS? Guess so. Sigh.
And you, Dove - you who I thought were my friend: Thanks for resurrecting every tired male vs. female stereotype that ever existed, in one minute flat. You hit them all: Women are the weaker sex. Men shouldn't show their sensitive sides. Women can't open jars or change flat tires. Men don't use maps. Just so you know, I can change a flat tire, and I can even open my own jars. (I use one of those rubber thingies to give my hand traction.) So there.
Dodge, your misogyny was so blatant and so scary it even made men feel uncomfortable. But don't just take it from me; read what Time magazine's TV critic, James Poniewozik, had to say about your ad. To his brilliant comments, I would simply add this: Browbeaten married men, go ahead and buy a new damn car if you want to. Just don't come crying to me when you need a financial bailout later on.
FLO TV, if you hate women that much, why did you choose a brand name that's synonymous with menstrual periods? And FYI: I shop for bras alone, because it's really difficult and time-consuming to find one that fits my [huge] hooters properly.
Motorola and Bridgestrone, Your naked-women-are-distracting and "Take my wife, please," jokes were hilarious. And by "hilarious" I mean "so old they're practically carbon datable." Way to be fresh, guys.
And finally, Bud Light: You had me until the book club ad. Why'd you have to go there with the whole "smart women are tedious" thing, huh? With just a tiny bit more ingenuity (and a little less hatred), you might've been able to come up with something cute-say, a split screen showing a women's book club (women discussing House of Mirth while drinking wine) vs. a men's book club (men discussing the latest Don DeLillo while drinking Bud Light). But it wouldn't have mattered anyway: I drink Guinness.
