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Christmas Shopping? Open An Online Casino Account Instead

Written by:
Guest
Published on:
Dec/09/2008

Why deal with the malls, UPS delivery men who make you wait all hours of the day at your home and never show, or that annoying old St. Nick and his reindeers scratching on your roof with no way of getting in because you don't even have a chimney?

Open up an online casino account and start winning lots of loot to cure the woes of this struggling economy.

Paddy Power has the cure and 101 reasons why you should open up an online casino account with them today.

In case you haven't checked out the 101 reasons to open an online casino account this Christmas season, here they are:

No. 1. We have a fantastic new look and feel.

No. 2. We're easier to use than an octogenarian billionaire looking for love

No. 3. Best 'Flash Games' online and in the park where all those guys in trenchcoats hang out.

No. 4. Registration is quick and easy, unlike a contrary snail, which is slow and difficult.

No. 5. We've got such a range of games that if we were chocolates we'd be a box of Roses.

No. 6. We've had a fabulous facelift but not one of those facelifts that makes you look like a surprised cat in a wind tunnel.

No. 7. We have our own internal gaming support with real people.

No. 8. 100% sign up bonus up to £/€101 Join Here

No. 9. We now look better than ever with our latest redesign.

No. 10. Competitions with great prizes - holidays, etc.

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No. 11. Offer Promotions 'almost' every day of the week.

No. 12. We offer weekly and monthly promotions to all players.

No. 13. Safe and secure gaming environment.-more secure than an Austrian cellar.

No. 14. Because our security is tighter than a nun's...er ..shrink to fit jeans

No. 15. Established industry reputation as a trusted operator and internationally reputed as a smooth operator. Oh yeah!

No. 16. Wagerworks platform, an industry leader in online gaming.

No. 17. Home of the famous 'Money Back Special'.(Not to be confused with the home of the Monkey Spank Special)

No. 18. We'd like to say something cool like "rules? We play by our own rules" but we don't - we always play by the regulator's rules.

No. 19. You don't have to leave the house and can play in the comfort of your own home. Where else can you play Blackjack in your slippers!

No. 20. Or your pyjamas!

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No. 20a. Or that S&M outfit you picked up in Amsterdam as a "joke" but secretly wear when you're home alone)

No. 21. Nobody can come and steal your slot machine if you decide to go and make a cup of tea, unless you happen to live with Winona Ryder.

No. 22. You don't have to tip the casino employees/dealers like in a real casino so if you're a cheapskate Paddypowercasino is for you!

No. 23. Save on the travel cost of getting to a casino - and with the price of petrol these days, that could cover a whole year's gambling.

No. 24. Less pressure playing games like Roulette, you can have a notebook of tips beside you, which they probably wouldn't like in a casino!

No. 25. No risk of thieves stealing your winnings on the way home so you don't have to stuff it in your socks or other unmentionable places.

No. 26. No noise, distraction or chronic farting from others to disturb you so you can concentrate on the game.

No. 27. You can play at anytime of the day or night.

No. 28. We're open 24 hours a day and won't try to sell an out of date pre-packed sandwich and a packet of rizzlas

No. 29. Realistic online graphics that make the Sega Megadrive look like an out-dated mid 90s fad.

No. 30. What's cheaper than having to pay foreign workers minimum wage? Not paying foreign workers minimum wage so we can pump our money into bigger payouts.

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No. 31. Large range of casino games to choose from at the touch of a button.

No. 32. No limit to numbers and variations of games online while there is in land based casinos.

No. 33. We get a kick out of poking fun at ourselves.

No. 34. Paddy Power is a real person, not like Spiderman or that Jesus fella. Magic fish! What's that all about?

No. 35. Paddy Power have been online since 2000.

No. 36. The in-colour at the moment is Green.

No. 37. Elvis has not left the building but is playing at paddypowercasino.com...probably on a laptop while sitting on the toilet.

No. 38. Because it's raining outside. Still.

No. 39. Because you like us!

No. 40. Because we offer your favourite games! (Except perhaps naked twister)

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No. 41. Because gardening is overrated.

No. 42 .Because DIY rarely works out the way you see on a 30 minute programme.

No. 43. Because only your Mum cares if your clothes are ironed.

No. 44. Because you may be too old for extreme sports.

No. 45. Because flights to Vegas are expensive.

No. 46.Because if you go there you'll spend the mortgage on pink cocktails....and cheap strippers.

No. 47. Because it's good to talk about in the pub.

No. 48. Because internet porn can seriously damage your eyesight

No. 49. Because it's not as bad as smoking.

No. 50. Because it's illegal in the US, so it must be good!

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No. 51. Because your kids are in bed.

No. 52. Because your parents are in bed.

No. 53. Because your wife is in bed.

No. 54. Because your husband is in bed.

No. 55. Because there's a dead hooker in your bed!

No. 56. Because you might have a 90% chance or a 50% chance or a 1% chance, but you gotta believe and you gotta hope. (Lance Armstrong)

No. 57. Because your other hobby is finished till next season.

No. 58. Because you don't have any James Bond like characters intimidating you in your sitting room.

No. 59. Because you can pretend to be James Bond while you play in your sitting room.

No. 60. Because the soaps are boring and don't show enough naked flesh.

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No. 61. Because your family are boring and show far, far too much naked flesh

No. 62. Because after watching the same Scrubs episode for the 38th time, you've realised it's not that funny and Zach Braff is annoying.

No. 63. Because even your dog has become boring...except for when he tries to hump your visitors' leg. That's always funny.

No. 64. Did we already tell you we have a great shiny new website - that's a pretty good reason.

No. 65. Because we believe in giving ourselves cosmetic surgery so you don't have to...

No. 66. Because you're worth it!

No. 67 .Because the lady loves Milk Tray

No. 68. Because we have made this just for you...appreciate it!

No. 69. Because you can choose a game to suit your mood...variety is the spice of life!

No. 70. Because only you (and us!) know that you have won...no need to share with the pretty blonde in the Casino... unlucky for her!

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No. 71. Because new and flashy things are always good!

No. 72. You don't have to walk to and from casino games... take it easy!

No. 73. Because we want the best for you!

No. 74. Because you can pull an all nighter with us... how exciting!

No. 75. Because it's only going to get better and better!

No. 76. Because we are excited... so should you be!

No. 77. Because...eh!...em!..... have you lost weight?

No. 78. An anagram for Paddy Power is Yaw Dropped. Which is almost like Jaw dropped

No. 79. We give back more money than Mother Theresa did. Or could.

No. 80. Our dedicated workforces are mostly young and good-looking. In Ireland, that's the exception to the rule.

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No. 81. Other online casinos have online 'Coolers' who put you off when playing. We don't.

No. 82. Because when you win in our casino, the Boss's wife loves him a little less.

No. 83. Because we came up with 101 reasons you would like us so much. An achievement in any language.

No. 84. We hail from the same country as U2, Colin Farrell, W.B. Yeats and B*Witched. Some good, some bad I suppose.

No. 85. If you have read this far and for this long, you must need something to brighten up your nights which doesn't involve a box of tissues and an alert ear.

No. 86. 57 Labourers died in the construction of the new site. Honour their memory.

No. 87. You have read this far down the list and know we are serious about these reasons

No. 88. Because we actually found 101 reasons

No. 89. Because we've got your name tattooed on our arse

No. 90. Because other casinos are so vain. They probably think that song is about them. Don't they? Don't they? Don't they?

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No. 91. Because the vast majority of the stuff on YouTube is either (a) not funny (b) creepy or (c) a bit of both

No. 92. Because everytime you don't play with us we a) stab a kitten b) take food away from a starving child in Africa c) inject a passer-by with Hepatitis

No. 93. Because we had a tough childhood and need you...please don't leave us alone like our daddies did.

No. 94. Because all the cool kids are.

No. 95. Because our insecurities mean we'll always try harder to make you love us.

No. 96. Because you know you want to.

No. 97. Because you only live once.

No. 98. Because if you do, good things will happen to you.

No. 99. Because if enough people play with us Paddy will take all his clothes off on live television...or keep them on...whichever you'd prefer.

No. 100. Because you can't smell the BO off the other people playing.

No. 101. Because you don't get distracted by the 40 year-old waitresses with fake boobs and low cut tops.

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