Xmas Gifts We’d Like to See for Poker Players, Online Gambling Folks, Politicians More…

Written by:
Thomas Somach
Published on:
Dec/18/2011
Xmas Gifts Poker

With Christmas just around the corner, Gambling911.com takes this opportunity to tell you what Christmas gifts we'd like to give to some of our friends in the gambling industry.

To Full Tilt Poker part-owners Howard "The Professor" Lederer and Chris "Jesus" Ferguson, who've been accused by the U.S. government of running a ponzi scheme: A "Get out of Jail Free" card.

To Full Tilt Poker part-owner Phil "Poison" Ivey, who's now suing Full Tilt Poker: A copy of the best-selling book "How to Sue Yourself."

To poker pro brothers Scott and Mike "The Mouth" Matusow, who publicly ripped each other on Facebook: An appearance on the TV show "Family Feud."

To Epic Poker League commissioner Annie Duke, whose league suspended her brother, Lederer, because of the ponzi scheme charges: A plaque reading "Blood is thinner than water."

To Mary Jo White, who as a U.S. Attorney prosecuted operators of online gambling sites but now as a private attorney is defending such operators: A game program so she can remember which team she's on.

To poker icon Doyle "Texas Dolly" Brunson, who will celebrate his 79th birthday in 2012: A year's supply of Metamucil.

To former betonsports.com owner Gary Kaplan, who was released from prison this year: A "Stay out of Jail Free" card.

To Arizona Senator Jon Kyl, who previously opposed legalizing online gambling in the U.S. but now supports it: Flip-flops, a waffle and a car that makes 180-degree turns.

To professional sports bettor Billy Walters, who was profiled this year on "60 Minutes": A hole the size of the Grand Canyon for him to store his ego

To poker pro and 2010 WSOP Main Event runnerup John Racener, who bragged on Facebook about his love of booze and then was busted for drunken driving: Some simple advice--Dude, you're a millionaire, hiring a f-----g chauffeur!

To portal developer Ken "The Shrink" Weitzner, who like Elvis may or may not be dead: Another year on the lam, or in witness protection, or in Argentina, or wherever the hell you may or may not be.

To poker pro Dusty "Leatherass" Schmidt, who wrote a poker book titled "Don't Listen to Phil Hellmuth": a book contract to write a sequel--a science book titled "Don't Listen to Albert Einstein."

To poker pro Phil "Poker Brat" Hellmuth Jr., who publicly ripped Schmidt over his book: A gun with bullets that can penetrate leather.

To poker pro Pius Heinz, who won the 2011 WSOP Main Event, becoming the first German to win a WSOP Main Event: A year's supply of bratwurst and a complete set of "Hogan's Heroes" DVDs.

To poker pro Daniel "Kid Poker" Negreanu, who continues to embarrass himself with racist, sexist, anti-Semetic and homophobic rants on his blog and elsewhere: An autographed baseball signed by John Rocker and Marge Schott.

To Jay Cohen, co-owner of crooked online sportsbook World Sports Exchange, which hasn't paid winning customers in over a year: A soul, a conscience and a moral compass.

By Tom Somach

Gambling911.com Staff Writer

tomsomach@yahoo.com

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