Online Gambling Diva Prepared to Take One for the Team

Jenny Woo here and I'll admit as I prepare for my trip to CAPEurope next week in Europe (yes, I am going to be the resident DIVA), I'm pretty much oblivious to all that has transpired in online gambling.  WTF?  Gambling sites and their operators are dropping like flies.  And here I am embarrassed thinking that I might not be accepted by this industry having served a brief stint in prison.  Seems like it's the chic thing to do around these here parts nowadays. 

Damn, when I heard rumors last week that FBI agents had descended upon Costa Rica and took up all the hotel space at the San Jose, Marriott, I was praying that my editor would fly me down there.  Jenny loves a cop!

But boy was I in for a rude awakening.  For the first time ever my boss shot me down last week when I asked to borrow some money.  WTF?  He told me things are tight.  Refresh my short term memory for a moment, did we not just expand into additional beachfront office space last month?  The Woomeiser lives and dies by her pay advances. 

Today I was told point blank that PinnacleSports pulling out of the US market will cripple and ultimately put some gambling web portals out of business.  Even though I was promised I'll be going down with Gambling911.com (gee, what a reassuring thought), I was also told in the same sentence that I might need to consider getting a 4th job to supplement my work as a reporter, real estate broker and entertainer.  This just goes to show how really f**ked up the country has become.  Here I am a gorgeous sex pot, talented, wonderful personality and I need four jobs just to make ends meet.  Thanks a lot Anna Nicole Smith!

Since Paid Escort has been crossed off my list, my hunny bunny boss has compiled his own - ahem - list of potential job options for Yours Truly and let me tell you right off the bat....he can kiss my half Korean, half Redneck ass if he really believes I will stoop this low.

Jenny Woo's Lemonade Stand

When I was a young girl growing up in Pensacola, Florida, the price of lemonade was 25 cents.  Today, after I conducted some intense research (how pathetic), I learned that the price of lemonade is now $1.25 - with a large cup going for $1.75.  Hey, it takes more than a dolla to make Jenny holla, but these days I'll settle for $1.75!  What choice do I have?  Oh and trust me I'll have that friggin tip cup out.

Serving fresh squeezed lemonade between Collins Avenue and the beach could have its benefits I suppose.  Gee, I might actually make more jiggling my grapefruits than I do writing for Gambling911.com.  What a thought.

Pool Girl

By now, you've probably seen those pictures of me laying half naked along side the Gambling911.com rooftop pool.  That was then, this is now.

Give it up for Jenny Woo the Pool Girl! 

Hey, look on the bright side.  I still get my sun, chlorine, and a little R&R when the boss is away.  The only difference is I get to swoop up dead bugs with a net and make a few extra bucks on the side. 

Lion Tamer

F*** YOU GAMBLING911!  F*** YOU!

Nun

While I must confess, Sister Jenny does have a nice ring to it.....the whole celibacy thing might be a little tough.  On the bright side, I never have to worry about being short the rent like I am each month since I surmise I'll be living in a convent.

As an organ donor, I'm told the doctors are more apt to let you die.  With all the alcohol I've drank over my short lifetime, my organs are either completely shot or preserved by all that alcohol and since I'll probably be dying much faster than say the average schmuck.... at least I'll have the peace of mind that I am going to Heaven as a nun. 

FBI  AGENT

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em I always say.  Having to go to law school and going through intensive training at Guantanamo, Virginia might not quite suit me.

Plus my ADT tends to kick in at the worst possible moments.  The only FBI I plan on doing is F***ing British Inbreeds at this year's CAPEurope.  Oh, and yeah, I'll be soliciting you for your ad dollars!

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Jenny Woo, Gambling911.com

Originally published January 17, 2007 12:32 am ET