Calling it exploitative and suppressive, Gambling911.com Senior International Correspondent, Jenny Woo, has decided not to participate in next month's Jamaica Hedonism Body Painting sex junket.
The event, which takes place May 6-10, features some of Miami's hottest models getting their bodies painted, presumably for some calendar.
While Woo is mentioned on the site as scheduled to appear, she has other ideas.
"Someone of my journalistic stature doesn't need to be frolicking around naked with a bunch of girls who aren't exactly rocket scientists," said Woo. "Rocket scientists are people who find out things about space and if they looked into these girls heads they'd find plenty of that in there."
Digging deeper, Gambling911.com learned that Woo had other reasons for choosing not to attend this internationally acclaimed event.
"My ex brain surgeon boyfriend, Mark, is expected to be there AGAIN," she said. "I can care less about bumping into him. It's just that whenever they were trying to shoot a scene with us girls last time, Hercules would always jump in the middle of the picture with his chiseled chest, which is almost as big as mine incidentally. He would flex in most pictures. Don't get me wrong. Mark has a great body but it does make up for other deficiencies I suppose. Let's just say I can time the sex with one of those cheap ‘Made in China' stop watches that only go to five minutes."
Woo's decision may be more difficult than it seems since the event's organizer, John Neyrot, was the first to photograph the Christiana Amanpour of online gambling news.
"John's work is excellent," she said. "I just wish they'd keep the riff raff home (like Mark) and focus on the real stars...like ME."
Woo did have one positive thing to say about her ex.
"After about a day of trying, the brain surgeon figured out how to plug all our computers into the high speed Internet outlets at the resort. He just finally realized you take the plug and stick it in the outlet. Unfortunately the Internet connection only lasted about the same time Mark did after he would plug his little Hercules into my outlet. Needless-to-say, nothing uploaded."