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Have the Republican strategists already scheduled Bristol Palin’s miscarriage? Killing two birds with one stone? I’m thinking the ‘tragic event’ will be announced close to the end of September, in hopes of derailing the much anticipated Palin / Biden Debate set for October 2 in Saint Louis. Or possibly something with a bit more flair for the dramatic – a very timely car accident could easily be staged, with the obvious results. I can almost see the press release: “Bristol Palin today was a passenger in a minor car accident. We thank God that Bristol was not seriously injured. The latest reports confirm that her injuries are not life threatening. Sadly, her baby was lost… The family could not be reached for comment. Our deepest sympathies go out to the Palin family. Bristol will (again) be in seclusion until her injuries are fully healed.” Going one step further – I suppose she could conceivably ‘carry’ it full term, (well past the election) by already having a paid-off Surrogate mother waiting in the wings – also five-months pregnant… In any case – the Democrats or skeptics will be unable to question the facts without looking like heartless politicians. It would be too easy for the Republican Spin Machine to turn it around. Let’s take a look at the story so far – some fact – some speculation – and ask a few obvious questions: 1) As Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin was Alaska’s supreme advocate of "abstinence-only" education. 2) When Sarah’s 17-year old daughter, Bristol, became pregnant, to save face, Sarah was forced to fake a pregnancy of her own. 3) Bristol Palin was pulled from school and kept in quarantine for five months due to a severe case of Mononucleosis – amidst the speculation that she was actually pregnant, and not Sarah. 4) Mononucleosis is only contagious for a very short period of time; thus a five-month quarantine was not necessary. a) If Bristol had actually been bedridden with Mononucleosis, wouldn’t the Palin family have made their daughter easily accessible to the media to quell all of the suspicions? b) If no one was allowed to visit her during her recovery, how did her ‘boyfriend’ have an opportunity to get her pregnant for her ‘recently announced’ pregnancy? c) If Bristol’s Mononucleosis was so contagious, should the ‘then pregnant’ Sarah Palin have been exposed to her on a daily basis? 5) Everything is going along just fine until Sarah’s (or was it Bristol’s?) water breaks during Sarah’s trip to Texas for the Republican Governor’s Energy Conference. a) She still manages to deliver her keynote address at the conference, then calls her doctor in Alaska regarding her other ‘delivery.’ b) Instead of delivering the baby in Texas, her doctor suggests that she fly back to Alaska (for eight hours, plus an hour drive) to have the baby in seclusion. c) Is this wise advice from any doctor caring for a patient with a high-risk pregnancy? d) Is this a wise decision from a woman who values the life of an unborn child above everything else? 6) Neither before nor during the flight, does Sarah tell any other passenger or the aircraft’s staff about her condition or that her ‘water broke’ and that she is in labor. a) No one on the plane notices that Sarah is having contractions or that her contractions are getting closer together. b) Would it even be possible for any woman to sit quietly on a plane for eight hours through the beginning stages of labor? c) How many pencils did she chew through in an effort to remain seated and quiet on the flight? 7) Sarah sites the reason for flying back to Alaska for the delivery as the ‘substandard’ hospitals in Texas. a) Are we to assume that she felt the medical facilities and the stewards assigned to the First Class Lounge on a commercial jetliner, flying at 35,000 feet, for eight hours, were superior to the hospitals and care that she would have received in Texas? b) It seems more plausible that her reason behind her ‘panic flight’ back to Alaska was a call from Bristol, who was actually in labor (which has got to be the quintessential bad-timing phone call of all time.) c) It might be interesting to see how long Sarah was actually in labor with her previous four deliveries. d) Remarkably, three days later, Sarah returns to work and, shortly after that, Bristol is once again out in public, after her full recovery from Mono. 8) There is still a lot of speculation on who was actually pregnant, but it soon settles down and life goes on as usual. 9) Enter McCain. 10) After an abbreviated vetting process and a couple short face-to-face meetings, Sarah Palin is selected as his running mate due to her radical Right-wing Conservative views. 11) Overnight, her small-town (who’s your mama) controversy hits the national and international stages. 12) The Republicans quickly realize that their limited vetting of the candidate failed to realize that this controversy had not yet been put to rest. a) Reporters and speculators are now digging deeper into Sarah Palin’s background than ever before. b) McCain’s bid for the Presidency is nearly derailed… The controversy won’t go away. c) What to do… What to do? 13) Fake another pregnancy – but this time it will be Sarah’s daughter, Bristol. 14) With a little quick math, the magic number comes up. Bristol is five months pregnant. a) At five months, there would be no way that she could have been Trig’s mother. b) The only logical explanation is, Sarah must have been the target of a smear campaign all along. c) It’s the lesser of two evils – Sarah will now have to admit that her daughter actually is pregnant, but the controversy surrounding Trig’s birth mother will be put to rest once and for all. d) The Republicans will even be able to turn it around to showcase the Palin’s ‘family values.’ e) Now they can get on with the campaign. 15) So the Republican strategists, in a last-ditch effort, decide to throw Bristol to the wolves. 16) The fate of the Presidency, as well as the future of the Republican Party now rests squarely on the shoulders of a 17-year old ‘pregnant’ girl. 17) Enter the boyfriend, Levi Johnston. A self-proclaimed redneck who will ‘kick your a_s and loves to shoot s_ _t, who doesn’t want kids. (As per his MySpace page.) a) Suddenly he becomes Bristol’s devoted fiancée and – it goes without saying – they will keep their child. b) When McCain meets Levi with Bristol for the first time, McCain’s body language clearly appears more like ‘thank you for doing this for the party and our country’ than ‘it’s nice to meet you.’ 18) Continuing with a little more math, a five-month pregnancy would drop the ‘conception process’ squarely within the five months Bristol was battling Mononucleosis. a) I guess this would mean that she did indeed have at least one visitor while she was in seclusion, recovering from Mono. b) At this point, you have to be asking yourself, “What young girl would take even a billion to one chance of getting pregnant – after going through five months of public speculation over an earlier pregnancy scandal that involved both her and her mother?” I think in the best interest of both parties, Bristol Palin should submit to a quick and painless pregnancy test with two female physicians present – one selected by the Republicans and one selected by the Democrats. Let’s have the test done quickly – before the baby is ‘miscarried’ or a victim of a very unfortunate ‘accident.’ Let’s not wait to learn about another obscure Alaskan tradition of cremating miscarried or stillborn infants within 20 minutes of the horrific event. Bristol’s already in the public eye, and this simple test would put this controversy to rest once and for all. I for one, think that the timing of Bristol Palin’s pregnancy is a little too convenient.