Lindsay Lohan and Calum Best: Best Sex Ever?

Gambling911.com tri-sexual Sparky Collins says "Get me a life preserver, this girl is sinking fast!" and he/she is referring to confused starlet Lindsay Lohan, now embroiled in a steamy love tryst with Calum Best.

In latching onto Calum, she's got herself someone whose as equally shy in the press as Ms. Lohan.

That was a joke. Talk to the hand!

Calum Best is the son of footballer, George Best, and it seems the apple doesn't fall from the tree. I know a little about apples being that my Adam's apple is the size of Best soccer ball.

He has been romantically linked to Jodie Marsh, Rebecca Loos, Alicia Douvall, Patsy Kensit, Orlaith McAllister, Kimberly Stewart, Sarah Harding and he is alleged to be currently dating Lindsay Lohan. Most notoriously, he was allegedly caught on CCTV outside of a West End nightclub in a compromising position with Elizabeth Jagger in 2005.

George Best was one of the first celebrity footballers, but his extravagant lifestyle led to problems with alcoholism which curtailed his playing career and eventually led to his death, at the age of 58, from a kidney infection, a side-effect of the immuno-suppressive drugs he was required to take after a liver transplant. Best's lovable, cheeky image won him many fans, during his career and after, but public drunkenness on TV, his convictions for drunk driving and assaulting a policeman, allegations of domestic violence, and his inability to give up drinking even after the transplant, meant that not everyone was so well disposed towards him. Nonetheless, 100,000 people turned out on a rainy day for his funeral in East Belfast.

Alas we have Calum....now bedding that adorable early 20's bombshell Lohan, who is known more for her late night partying than she is her actual film work, which by the way includes such masterworks as Just My Luck. Granted she has starred in some critically acclaimed films like Walt Disney's The Parent Trap.

It seems Lindsay Lohan may need to change her name to Linear Lohan, not in reference to those lines of coke on the bathroom sink but rather the lines on her back from all that rug burn.

The News of the World reveals how model Model Josephine first fell for the notorious womaniser, Calum Best, after he texted an amazing chat-up line to her inbox at 3am.

The cheeky tuft-guy said: "I have nothing in the house but I want u to come round for a great f***, u might get a carpet burn. U interested?"

Jo recalls: "He mentioned the burns because he didn't have any furniture—so we'd have to do it on the floor."

When she arrived by taxi from her home in Gillingham, Kent, she found the babe-magnet son of soccer legend George Best dressed in just a tight pair of boxer shorts.

And in the middle of the empty floor he'd put together a makeshift bed of sheets, blankets and duvets.

Visit Our Sponsor. Even Sparky Collins loves StraightFlush!

Jo smiled: "We got down to business pretty quickly. The sexual tension was amazing because we'd fancied each other for so long.

"I lay on my back next to him and slid off my jeans. He kept telling me how amazing I looked and started to stroke my boobs. He then pulled off my G-string and spent ages kissing and caressing me before I took charge.

"I moved on top of him and we had the most amazing sex I've ever had. We did it in all sorts of positions before we ended up on the carpet."

Sparky Collins Cure for Rug Burn use Vaseline or try aloe. It really really works!

Lohan Lohan Lohan

It's not all burning passion that has Lindsay Lohan screaming at the top of her lungs though.

Lohan and her new lover Best had a furious public "screamfest" it has been claimed.

The actress is said to have lost her temper with the womanising model after he was seen flirting with several gorgeous girls behind Lindsay's back in Cipriani Downtown last weekend.

The couple were overheard arguing in the Soho Grand hotel's lobby after returning from a night out.

A source told the New York Post newspaper: "Calum was collecting numbers from all the models every time Lindsay's back was turned. It sent Lindsay over the edge. The next evening they had a screamfest in their penthouse which ended up in the lobby.

Lindsay was screaming about how Calum was cheating on her.

"Calum's clothes were torn, and after a few minutes, they got back in the elevator and went back to their room."

Sparky has stayed at the Soho Grand Hotel on numerous occasions and is happy to report....they have rugs.

----