Calvin Ayre the world's most eligible bachelor?  Isn't that WOOnderful!

You know, while I sit here sunning on such a lovely day waiting to meet all you honey bunnies at the CAP Spring Break waiting to sink my teeth into that delectable Lou Fabioni, I am left wondering.... well, what the hell am I doing wrong with my life.

I'm sexy!

I've got a personality that causes entire rooms full of people to gasp when I blast through the door.

Sue Schneider from GIGSE loves me!

And I'm the ultimate diva!

But more importantly than any of this, I'm a super talented writer to boot!

Okay, I pride myself on my math wizardry.  Sexy + Personality + Talent = Why that should equal $$$$$$$$. 

Yet here I am practically on the verge of having to shop with food stamps.

I'm no gold digger!  I work and work hard for a living and I'm not dependent on men!  Occasionally my beauty gets in the way.

And so what if I drive an expensive SUV, big ****ing deal!  A girl has her needs.  And I like big things with tons of horse power.

Speaking of big things with tons of horse power, let's talk about the newly discovered billionaire, Kevin Ayre.  I mean, sure ladies (and guys I suppose), he's hot, eligible, rich as **** and rumor has it he's.....how should I put this in a way that would be acceptable to this family website?  ..... Rumor has it he is..... fully equipped.

Let's face it, when there are thousands of girls out there Kelvin apparently slept with, it only takes a little bit of snooping on Jenny's part. 

But men like this, they are not marriage material, no Siree! 

So here I am stunned at the very suggestion that the Playboy Kelvin Ayre has been mentioned among MSN Money Central's Most Eligible Billionaire's

The article closes its discussion by making mention of Melvin:

Of course, you should also watch out for those already tied up with supermodel friends, like online gambling tycoon Calvin Ayre or reputed playboy Russian Roustam Tariko, both 44 years old.

Tied up?  The only super models tied up with Calvin are the one's tied up to his bed post.

Oh, and let's get something straight, Kelvin and I - well we're friends - How could we not be?  This site has an article about him nearly every damn day so he's impossible to avoid. 

It's not like I would date him though.  He wears more makeup than me.  Eegad!

I just think it is a little misleading to classify him as "eligible".  The only one who stands a chance of marrying this billionaire any time soon is his own bathroom mirror.

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Jenny Woo, www.gambling911.com

Originally published May 12, 2006 3:15 pm EST