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Calvin Ayre Wild
Card Poker: Lots of booze, broads and some pretty
good poker
 It's
a rare moment in history as Jenny Woo stays in
Saturday night to review Calvin Ayre's Wild Card
Poker
They tried to teach me how to play poker last July
during the World Series of Poker but my ADT kicked
in and I found my eyes wandering across the room to
some of the cuter poker players. First off, I
don't know an ace from an ass. What I do know
is that my lovely Calvin Ayre pulled off something
simply mavalous - I feel honored to have met
him in the same sordid way I felt honored upon
receiving my very first rabbit many Easters ago, and
Jenny is not talking about one of those cute
chocolate bunnies either. Think dirty
Energizer Rabbit.
In many ways, Ayre
gives me the same sensation of my Easter surprise: a
tantalizing tease that satisfies only for a short
moment before I find myself wanting more ten minutes
later and he is always there even when I don't
necessarily want him there. I even see his
face when I close my eyes to sleep each night. Calvin
Ayre's Wild Card Poker Series will give me five more
weeks of virtual pleasure....then I will be able to
go back out on Saturday nights and get the real
thing.
Here are some pet
peeves I had with the Fox Sports broadcast program,
the first installment which aired Saturday night
April 15. Not enough
Calvin I expected to see him sitting on Cherlyl
Hines ("Curb Your Enthusiasm) lap through much of
the two hour show. She won and seemed to get
the most exposure, probably because she lasted the
entire two hours - duh Jenny. As for
Moi, I didn't quite last that long. I fell
asleep during the first half of the second hour -
More on that momentarily. The segments on
Calvin seemed to always show him heading towards a
bar. You'd think the guy was a lush or
something.......Oh, wait a minute....He might
very well be.
Great
commercials then there were those damn diet pill
commercials The Bodog Poker commercials Jenny
absolutely loved, but what was up with those diet
pill commercials where they repeated twice and were
shown every commercial break at least here in Miami?
Word on the street is that Fox Sports didn't want a
site like Gambling911.com promoting this show as
appearing on their network. Gambling911.com
has the exposure and wherewithal to attract dozens
of high paying advertisers as a web site regularly
cited within advertising industry publications and
news wires, or so my boss says and I don't
necessarily believe every word he tells me.
Instead we are bombarded by diet pill ads.
Jenny will be trying them this week so I guess the
ad worked at least, though I've already forgotten
the name of this product....That damn ADT!!!!
I loved the poker
and commentary What a great blend! It was
like watching a sporting event intertwined with sex,
booze and plenty of boobs....then again, there
weren't enough boobs. I'd like to have seen
more. After all, this is a Calvin Ayre
production!
Was it me or has
Calvin Ayre moved into the Brady Bunch home?
I
could have sworn that was the Brady Bunch home when
Calvin gave the grand tour....just add a gym,
oversized swimming pool and Harley Davidson bike.
Why he even had a Latin version of housekeeper
Alice!. And what
was with that private area where Calvin claims he
never lets anybody in accept for this one time?
I thought for sure we'd see whips, chains and a
bondage room. Instead I get to see - whoopie -
Calvin's Harley. The pool I absolutely loved!
Maybe I need to see this "compound" in person to
really appreciate it. Calvin, Sweetie, is yet
to invite Ms. Woo to his crib. I hear he's
building a whole new extension.
Calvin was so sexy
in his cutoff shirt but...I couldn't help but
think he's been using steroids to get in shape for
this new series. Those arms were pumped. And Good Lord Ladies! I
don't care how much money he has, did you all catch
Calvin kicking that pad thingie in his gym? I
was waiting for the producers to pull him up on
those invisible strings and have him fly around the
room like Peter Pan. Good grief! Claude
Van Damme Calvin is not! What's next in
the cards? Calvin Ayre American Idol Bad
Jenny! Bad! Leave it to me to put ideas in
this guy's head.
Can you say
OVEREXPOSURE? On
that note, is it Me or is Calvin Ayre more in my
face these days than Britney Spears? Brad
Pitt? George Bush? Maybe it's because
I'm always on the Gambling911.com web site. I
think the only thing we haven't reported here is
whether Calvin is circumcised. Or maybe we did
report that and I somehow missed it?
That hostess got
very little exposure What a hottie! I
wonder what number she was for Calvin! Let me
guess, 90210, which just happens to be the
ZIP Code for Beverly Hills. What's my prize? And
please don't tell me Calvin. I hear he
yells his own name out during sex! Oh Jenny is
on a role tonight, must be those triple shot Cosmos
and the fact that my boss is tucked away for the
evening and unable to edit this article.
Where was my
boss? I waited and waited for two LONG hours
(yes, the show is too long for a single night
airing....good but two hours is like sitting through
a movie and you know how my ADT is). I thought
for sure my boss would be following Calvin around
his house like some lost kitten sniffing his ass the
entire time. If Bodog were a cult, my beloved
boss would be assuming the Tom Cruise couch jumping
role! Calvin after all is named after a
religious sect, the Calvinists.
Overall, the chemistry at the poker table was good,
though Calvin looked a bit uncomfortable walking in
and interrupting the game....in fact, the players
looked sorta bewildered. I really enjoyed the
game itself even though I don't know diddly squat
about poker. I bet the ratings will be good
too.
Production value gets two thumbs up from
Jenny as well and there is no way in Hell I'm having
those Ticos tie me to a rope and have me pushed down
some long wire over trees some 2000 feet in the air.
NO WAY JOSE!
Someone in the online gambling industry should post
odds on which episode will feature the first
lip-locking session between Calvin and some lucky
recipient. I would have guessed Episode One
myself...the first five minutes! Why, I would
have guessed my boss to be the first candidate!
I wonder if the producers had to pry my bosses lips
off Calvin's ass at any time during the shooting.
GEEZ "Calvin
Ayre's Wild Card Poker" airs Saturday nights at 11
pm EST. Jenny recommends it, though I'd rather
be doing other things Saturday night to be perfectly
honest. If only it would air during the week
during prime time and in one hour installments.
DON'T
FORGET TO CATCH ME AND MY GIRLS PAYTON, DESTINEY AND
ANNA LIVE THIS COMING TUESDAY NIGHT APRIL 18 8:00 PM
EST FOR OUR AMERICAN IDOL CHIT CHAT SESSION.
LAST WEEK WAS SUCH AN OVERWHELMING SUCCESS AND OUR
BIGGEST TRAFFIC DAY EVER. WE'LL BE DISCUSSING
EACH PERFORMANCE AS THEY HAPPEN. BE SURE TO BOOKMARK
THIS SITE NOW.
HAPPY
EASTER EVERYBODY AND HOPE YOU FIND PLENTY OF EGGS
----
Jenny Woo,
www.gambling911.com
Originally
published April 16, 2006 2:43 am EST |
